Because it’s been fear that ties me down to everything,
But it’s been love, your love, that cuts the strings…
Friends, for years I have blogged about my hopes to meet and marry my best friend. I have shared with a hopeful heart about my prayers and my journey, but if I’m honest, there have been so.many.times I’ve been scared to really believe God can make that hope a reality — and more importantly, that He will. I tiptoe around it, saying someday prayers and trying not to sound too assured, or even get my hopes up too, too much, because God is God, and we can’t really KNOW what He’ll do in our lives, right?
* …BUT… *
I don’t want to live with such a fragile faith.
I want to live with a faith that FULLY believes in God and His plan for my life. I want to live with a faith that isn’t afraid to say I believe God can do the seemingly impossible, a faith that trusts that all of the no’s and closed doors have been leading me to a part of my story I couldn’t have imagined on my own, even if I tried (and let me honestly tell you that I’ve tried plenty). ;)
I want to live with a faith that is bigger than my fear, bigger than my doubt, and bigger than every bit of my unbelief.
I want to live with a faith that continues to believe and pray about my hope for marrying my best friend — until God tells me to do otherwise.
And so, that is the faith I am choosing to embrace tonight, the faith that is fueling this blog post, the faith that will give me joy and hope and confidence, as I get ready to celebrate another birthday and continue to follow God on this unique adventure of mine.
I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
I have set my heart on your laws.
I hold fast to your statutes, Lord;
Do not let me be put to shame.
I run in the path of your commands,
for you have broadened my understanding.
The other morning, as I read these verses in Psalms, I was reminded of how much I want my love story to be God’s doing and not my own. I am confident that my decision to wait for God’s choice is the right choice for me. And while that doesn’t always make sense to everyone — and it’s certainly not always easy to do — I have chosen to be faithful and trust in Him.
But faithful and trusting doesn’t mean timid.
So, as of tonight, I am going to stop saying someday prayers from a place of fragile faith.
I’m going to stop tiptoeing around my hopes.
I’m going to hold them with open, trusting hands — and with confident, brave belief — that God will take them, with love and with purpose, and weave them into something more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed.
*Lyrics from the song Brave by Nichole Nordeman